I woke up quite early which I really love, I did some things at the house that I had to do but something did not feel right. I was not supposed to be in a bad mood but I did.
There are many reasons right now for me to feel anxiety and not being my best version. I am on my period, I still have no job, my bank account decreases like crazy, I am waiting for the feedback of the interviews I took last week, the whole situation with the pandemic is still crazy (if not getting even worse), I am miles away of my family and friends - the longest I have ever been - and I do not know when I will be able to meet them again. When you read them all, it may get overwhelmed but is it really?
It is ok not to be ok!
It is ok not to have a smile on your face from time to time, to feel down, to have the urge to cry your eyes out. It is ok when you do not want to leave the house or even your bed some days. And to embrace it.
Today, I embraced that feelings. As I said, I woke up and I did not want to do anything. Not even to go on my favorite long walk, to read my favorite books, to exercise. I felt like I wanted to skip this day and go straight onto the next one. But you can just not do that 😕 So what I did? I did take a walk outside, when it was still very early in the morning, quit cold and foggy, but I had the chance to notice the city waking up slowly on its own time. Then the sun came out. And I felt a tiny bit better. I sat on a bench, read my book but I just could not concentrate. I sat there for many minutes, doing nothing but listening to the sounds of nature, seeing people passing by and some happy dogs from time to time. I got lost in my thoughts, tried to feel everything, tried to wonder why I was feeling like that today... why?? I mentioned all the reasons above. And for each reason I tried to find a logical explanation.
It is ok to not be ok when you are on your period, your body is facing so many hormonal issues at the same time but you know what? it will pass after 2-3 days. It is ok not to be ok when you have no job and your bank account gets emptier and emptier each day but you know what? I can make it! I have people around me who supports me truly and that I can ask for help when it is too difficult to face it by myself and only. It is ok not to be ok when you are waiting for a feedback for a job interview or for your medical results or for so many other things but you know what? There is nothing you can do to change the past. You can only wait for the results to reach you and then you can start to plan your life accordingly. It is ok not to be ok when there is a pandemic (!!!!!!!!!) but you know what? You are not alone. Every single human being faces the same problem as you and me right now. And we will find a solution all together sooner or later. It is ok not to be ok when you miss family and friend but you know what? We are in 2020, we have internet and we can have video calls when we want to. I will see them soon when it is safer for everyone.
In general, it is ok not to be ok (in case you did not get that lol). Even when you are at your happiest times, you still get some bad news throughout the day. And these news build up together and become bigger and bigger each day and then, in some random moment in your life, they are full, knocking on you and forcing you to let them out... It is then when you need to embrace these moments. Feel grateful for what you have, even your bad moments... It is all part of the game.
So what I do when I am feeling down? I eat my favorite food and some chocolate, light some candles, do yoga and meditate, take a warm bath, read my book, listen to the Christmas music and then relax... My go to recipe every time I am feeling happy or sad. It never goes wrong 😉
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